8/1/11

My Little Pet... Peeves.



This post is killin' me today.

And the comments?

I'm DYING to death laughing.


I've talked about my pet peeves before. I've shared them in person, I've blogged about them, I've harped on them a little too much around my loved ones..

Oops. ;)

But it's not easy to be this stinking picky, y'all. I like to say that I have high standards, but my family would probably call it neuroticism.

Some things are just unacceptable, though. Like:

10.  People thinking it's okay to eat off of my plate or drink from my cup just because we're on a first name basis. Um, I don't know your medical history. I don't know who you kiss. And I am NOT interested in a bit of friendly cross contamination.

After enduring a few half-eaten dinners with a girl like that (half-eaten because I'm not touching my plate after you've helped yourself to it's contents) I now categorically refuse to have a meal with or near this girl.

I don't mean to be rude, but there are boundaries, y'all. Not that she knows this - the first time she saw my wedding set, she asked if she could try it on for size.

I mean, really? My wedding set? The symbol of my eternal married love? That piece isn't exactly costume jewelry to be borrowed and passed around at will.

But I'm glad you like it, thanks for noticing.

9. Yell-sneezing. Yelleezing, if you will. I understand the need to sneeze, I really do. I know it hits you at random times and you simply must let it out. But don't roar while you sneeze. Bellowing HAAAAAAAAAAAATCHOO is neither productive nor welcomed. It's irritating, so please, expell your sneeze without using your vocal chords, mmmkay?

8. People who work in customer service and clearly wish they didn't - it's your job, homes. YOU ARE BEING PAID to do this. Don't treat me with disrespect or disregard, 'cause it's not my fault.

7. The sheets/blankets covering my feet while I'm sleeping. I cannot be comfortable if my feet are hot. CANNOT.

6. People hovering around - and especially behind - me. Sit your behind down. Don't look over my shoulder, mouth breathing into my ear. Don't stand there nervously when everyone else is perfectly fine sitting. Seriously. Just sit down, you're driving me crazy.

5. Passive agressive people. Honestly, if you have a problem, come out and say it. Say it nicely. Don't pout about it. We'll both be miserable. Just... Own it! On the other hand, I also have this big, giant THING against people who boss hog the internets and pretend to be big shots, saying whatever they choose to whomever they choose. They do it on forums and Facebook and blogs, and it's cowardly, childish, and so, so small.

Stop it, people. You wouldn't be brave enough to say that to someone's face. So stop doing it online.

4. Bad grammar. This includes everything from mispronouncing words [because hello, do you not have access to a dictionary with handy little pronunciation guides beside EVERY WORD?] to incorrect usage of simple, common words like your/you're and their/they're/there, and especially intentionally misspelling words. Especially with numbers. Numbers aren't letters, people.

Th4t 1s l1ke s0 n0t c00l.

3. People blowing their noses in public. Seriously, the sound of snot flying through your nasal cavity is SICKENING. And please, please don't do it when I'm eating. I. Will. Retch.

2. Name dropping.

Really. I don't care who you know or met or saw once on TV.

And my all time, biggest pet peeve?

1. MOUTH NOISES. Smacking, slurping, sucking, chewing, horrid, nasty mouth noises. I don't need to hear your saliva doing it's job. I don't need to experience your food being ground into mush. I know how digestion begins, trust me. I have a system just like yours.

And don't get me started on the ice crunchers. It's too much for me to handle without experiencing severe discomfort.

Instead, I'm going to leave this subject alone and pretend that I didn't just reveal my deep neuroticism to to tens of people who visit me here. ;)

How about you? Any pet peeves?


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