7/18/11

Conspiracy Theories.


Ok, y'all.

I don't normal subscribe to a paranoid, suspicious mentality.

Well, that's almost entirely true. I DO think that Nutella has a pact with the devil to destroy my diet, but that's probably just my sweet tooth talking. ;)


But I was having a conversation with D the other day and a random bolt of curiosity hit me. I interrupted his story waited patiently for my turn to speak and asked him "Do you think that big name companies like Gilette and Schick add hair growth stimulant to their razors?"

Trust me when I say there was NO CONNECTION between our conversation and that random thought. Bless my husband's heart, he is learning to accept random outbursts as just a normal thing I do. So after only about a heartbeat's worth of quizzical stare, he asked me to explain myself.

So I expounded. Or, you know, rambled.

Either way. 'Cause:
1) When I splurge on expensive, made-for-ladies razors [like the Venus] instead of cheap, disposable men's razors [you know, the value pack kind!], I have to shave daily. Not want to - HAVE TO. At least if I want to maintain silky smoothness.

And I DO. I most certainly do, thank you. ;)

2)The ingredients of the 'moisturizing' strip aren't disclosed on the packaging, at least on the Venus Tropical package I 'researched' for roughly 3.2 seconds. So basically, there could be any number of oils and or hormones in the formula and we'd never make the connection between rapid regrowth and our so-helpful moisturizing razors.

3) It stands to reason that companies will make a lot more profit if women are using their razors more frequently. Mo' razors, mo' money. That's what they say back in my hood.

I mean, probably. I never met anyone who said that in my hood, but it could happen.

According to the LiveStrong website, shave gels contain mostly water, because of course, that's what we pay actual money for, a fancy can of pressurized water. ;) Plus emollients to reduce friction, humectants to give your skin a velvety feel, emulsifiers to bind the gel's ingredients together, preservatives to keep the ingredients from molding, propellants, like aerosol, to propel the product out of the can, and "other ingredients" like polyvinylpyrrolidone [also called PVP] to keep the gel from running down your leg.

Nothing in that list screams conspiracy, but if conspiracy screamed, it wouldn't be such a discovery, right?

I'm not sure how much this means to me. I'm not looking for a big expository article to make me famous, and I'm not offended enough to sue. I mean, I'm cool with cheapo razors, honestly. In fact, using the men's value pack razors allows me to shave a few times a week instead of at least once per day, which is basically hope and happiness and all things lovely, plus a rainbow and puppy, for a gal with sensitive skin.

And my legs, they DO TURN ON THE SENSITIVE when I put a razor to them. For real. They're total drama queens. So in terms of friction, less is definitely more comfortable.

What do y'all think? Justified conspiracy? Lunacy, at best? Power to the people? Nutella on whole wheat toast?

Yes?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT.

Happy Monday! ;)
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