3/14/11

Fight Club.


In the interest of keeping it really, really real, I have to say this about marriage.

Every union has it's disagreements. D and I had two - TWO - major fights in the year we dated before we married.

And twelve the week after the honeymoon.


It's a completely different scenario when you're bound for life to one another. There's freedom in sharing your most precious, personal opinions and feelings with someone. But sometimes there's a little too much freedom, and it's tempting to fall into the habit of forcing your way onto your honey, because, after all, you're not trying to impress your spouse with your broadmindedness or kind heart. The deed is done. You're hitched now, so you may as well have things your [clearly superior] way.

Right?

Not so much with the rightness.

Even if you don't struggle with the newly-married adjustment process - which I'm totally not buying, because you'd have to be superhuman - you can still get something out of these conflict-reducing phrases I found the other day:



Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted, I’m sorry.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.

Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated.
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.


Surprisingly enough for a stubborn gal like me, being humble and open and willing to admit that my way may not be right - or maybe, just maybe, my delivery obliterated the message and intent - is hugely rewarding.

It's okay to take a grown-up time out in the middle of a heated discussion. It's okay to reach out and compromise.

At the end of the day, peace is worth the silenced words. ;)
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