1/13/11

Broken Hallelujah.




As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me
all day long, “Where is your God?”

These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the
house of God under the protection of the Mighty One, with shouts of joy
and praise among the festive throng.


Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.


Psalm 42:1-5 [NIV]

My head was pounding, louder and harder the longer I waited for the right thing to say. My heart ached as if a giant fist slowly, painfully squeezed the life out of it. Even though my eyes clenched shut, the tears slipped out, and I was at a loss for words as they streaked down my face.

I knelt across my bed, trying to find a way to pray about some tough emotions surrounding an ongoing situation in my life.

Pain. Confusion. Fear. Desperation. Anger. Longing.

I felt these so deeply that I couldn't be sure if the frustration I felt so sharply was because of my situation or because I couldn't grasp my own overwhelming emotions in a control hold.

And my soul whispered to Jesus.

Help. Fix this. Change this.

Fix me. Change me.

The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas,
and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten with rods.
After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison,
and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully.
When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell
and fastened their feet in the stocks.



About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God,
and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was
such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken.
At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.

Acts 16:22-28

This is my broken hallelujah. My shattered heart, bared completely to a Father God Who can - Who MUST - respond. To my pain. To my heart. To my sacrifice.

Broken Hallelujah
Mandisa
With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

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Based on a work at alohilana.blogspot.com.