7/14/08

Am I There Yet?

"Come to me with your ears wide open.
Listen, and you will find life.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you.
I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David.

See how I used him to display my power among the peoples?
I made him a leader among the nations.

You also will command nations you do not know,
and peoples unknown to you will come running to obey,

because I, the L
ord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, have made you glorious.”
Isaiah 55:3-5

I'm not going to lie - I've been questioning God lately. A lot. I know, I know - I'm a mature, rooted Christian, and I should be faith-filled and positive about the unknown, but I've been pestering Him almost constantly with the 'whys' and 'whats' and 'hows' voiced by thousands of toddlers on a daily basis.

[Why yes - yes I do sometimes revert. 'Cause He's my Father, so I know He won't strike me down with lightning bolts. Which is more than I can say if I had His job.]

I've always, always had an intense burden to reach. I've had the incredible opportunity to work in various ministry capacities for more than half my life - I've been able to sing, teach, knock on doors, write, design, speak, organize, walk, fundraise, cook, and reach out with some incredibly anointed, devoted ministers of Jesus' love. It's humbling to think that God would entrust so many things to me.

With each new ministry comes a fresh desire for more, though. Just because I may have done something different than another isn't a valid reason to be called an expert.

[Although, if I'm offering my advice to you, feel free to consider me an expert opinion on everything, ok? Ok, not really..]

Ministry doesn't work that way. No one earns a gold belt emblazoned with awards like Ultimate Super Fantabulous Most Favored Of Jesus or even 'Ultimate Ministry Champion'. Levels aren't how it goes in servanthood. Ministry works in forward motion, not upward motion. We grow through our experiences and continue on the journey.

So I'm standing at the edge of another leap into the unknown, not sure where and how I'll be able to minister next. And I'm questioning Jesus. I'm tugging on His sleeve, asking why and how.

My heart's cry is to move people towards Him; by reaching, by giving, by living as an example of how He can take a broken vessel and fill it with His glory.

But my logical [heh!] brain sees my future shrouded in a thick fog, leaving only uncertainty about where my foot will land with the next steps I take.

So tonight, I revisited this scripture. I'd jotted it down recently and written 'calling/ministry/anointing' above it in block letters, but it wasn't an answer to a specific prayer then, it was just a beautiful promise in the waiting.

But today, it's my word from Him. When I cried out today, He responded with His promise.

I love that He brings David into the story, too. David. Really? The guy who committed adultery, killed his lover's husband, incited a war that involved thousands of people to cover his sin, and lied to the prophet.

Yep, that one.

But He was unfailing in His love to David. He used David to display His own glory throughout the land.

And He promises to pour out that same grace and purpose into us, His children. The kids who don't drive Him crazy, even when we ask [for the eleventy-hundredth time] 'are we there yet?!?'

'Just wait and see', He's saying. 'You'll understand it soon.'

So the questions? Yep, my little brain still has questions. But the trusting? I can't think of anyone better than Jesus to direct my steps, even if I can't see where they'll land.

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[the alohilana blog] by R. Jones is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at alohilana.blogspot.com.